We have all been there, and we probably all agree – breaking the ice with a stranger is very hard. Okay maybe they’re not a complete stranger – you’re going out on a date, and you’ve probably chatted online a bit too. But seeing a person in the flesh for the first time complicates everything; it may be that the relaxed rapport you had has suddenly vanished.
What you need is a few secret weapons – the kind you only bring out in an emergency. Emergency being those moments of awkward silence and avoidance of eye contact, which strike many first dates at some point in the evening. “Well, the weather’s being very good recently, hasn’t it?” just doesn’t cut the mustard, so here are a few conversation starters to keep those silences at bay.
Have you got any pets?
People love talking about their pets, so this is a sure-fire winner. Even if they haven’t got any you can ask them why not – they might have an interesting story behind it. And if they do, you might discover a common interest
Are you into films/Have you seen … ?
This is good because most people watch films every now and again. Many people have a favourite, and if you haven’t seen theirs it could lead to a cosy, romantic night in as a future date. Similarly…
Are you into music/Which artists do you like?
Again, many people like music, and those that do love talking about it. If you both happen to like the same band it can create an instant bond, but you have to be careful with this one – it could highlight differences between the two of you.
Have you ever … ?
Ask them about something you know a lot about or enjoy doing – you might have some common ground. Or, if they have never heard of your favourite past-time you could offer to show them what they’re missing. But be careful not to brag about it; saying “I have done over thirty parachute jumps” does not impress people; it only makes you appear insecure. If they show no interest, move on quickly before you bore them.
Do you like sports?
Sports are very popular with both men and women and people can be very passionate about them, so this can be a great conversation starter. If you both enjoy the same sport you could think about getting tickets to the next big game together. And if you both support different teams all is not lost – use this as a flirting opportunity. People love a bit of gentle teasing, so remind them just how embarrassing it was when Beckham missed that penalty for Manchester United.
Have you ever been to … ?
If there’s a local haunt of yours – a restaurant, club or park – ask them if they’ve been to the same place. If they haven’t, this is even better: “Oh you don’t know what you’re missing, we should go there sometime!” But beware – it can be a bit creepy to be organising a 2 nd date date this early, unless it’s towards the end of the night and you’re already getting on well.
Perhaps you have noticed, all of these reserve questions have one thing in common: they all contain the word “you”. People love talking about themselves, so any question which encourages this will be welcome. It will show that you’re interested in what they have to say, and do not just want to bore them with your own anecdotes.
The most important thing, however, is to relax. Try not to move conversation along too quickly or force your point of view. Let the conversation flow naturally and before long you will be talking like old friends.
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Tuesday, July 11, 2006
How to Re-enter the Singles Scene Successfully
Dating is a scary game at the best of times, but if you have been out of the loop for a while it can be even more daunting. Perhaps you have recently come out of a long-term relationship; perhaps you’ve just had an unwelcome drought of dates. But don’t worry! Nothing is insurmountable and, although it’s a cliché, there are plenty more fish in the sea – and they are all in the same boat. Okay, perhaps those proverbs do not go well together. But everyone, however experienced they are with dating, finds the whole thing a struggle, and there are certainly those out there that, like you, are willing to forgive a little inexperience.
This article has tips to brush up those rusty dating techniques. And, as with any aspect of dating, the rules for men are different to those for women…
Men
Although the singles’ scene may not have changed since you were last exposed to it, you probably have. You may need to relearn forgotten skills such as making yourself look attractive, asking people out on dates and reading body language.
Making yourself look attractive can be tricky. If you have any doubts, it can be useful to use your previous relationship as a guide – what did your partner find attractive in you? What first drew their attention to you? Try to pick out your strong characteristics and emphasize them – perhaps you have a nice smile – try and use it more often! Clothing can be useful in highlighting your physical plus-points. And if you can dance, take her dancing! Try to use your imagination and list your qualities that might be found attractive and, most importantly, capitalise on them!
If you were in your previous relationship for a long time, it’s probably been equally long since you asked anybody out. Again, don’t worry! The key to this is confidence. And the key to confidence is acting. It doesn’t matter if you’re shy, ugly, rich or poor, everyone can act. Just put yourself in the shoes of The Fonz for a minute and tell yourself you have nothing to worry about. Remember, if you ask ten people out and one says yes, that’s better than asking nobody out!
Once you’ve taken that leap and popped your question, the most important thing to consider next is body language. Scientists, who know everything, have told us that words are only 10% of communication – the rest is body language. Therefore it is extremely important that you have some idea of what it means. What if your date crosses her legs while she talks to you? What if she tilts her head? Have a look at our body language tips – I guarantee you won’t regret it!
Much as all of this is useful, the most important thing is to be yourself and have fun. If you’re having fun, you’re more attractive; if you act naturally, you’ll attract the right person for you.
Women
Re-entering the singles’ scene as a woman can be more difficult than as a man – it can take women longer to re-adjust to a different environment, especially if you are out of practice. But all is not bad news! The most important thing to remember is that women rule the world! Speaking from the male perspective, I can tell you that all men think about is sex and, therefore, women have all the power. Learn to use this and you will realise that, for a woman in the know, the dating game is easy.
If you have been out of the loop for a long time, the first thing you might need to know is that it is now socially acceptable for women to ask a man out. This is happening more and more so don’t worry about it. Men, just like women, like nothing more than being asked out on a date.
Also remember that it is fine to turn men down, but do it tactfully and gently. There is no reason why you should go out on a date with someone who you have already decided is not for you. You will only waste your time and his, and get his ‘hopes’ up for no reason.
Finally, and most importantly, consider your own safety. You should never meet somebody you do not know in a secluded area. It is advisable, if you are going on a first date, even if you are meeting in a public place, to have a friend nearby to provide that extra security. Trust your instincts and never go back to someone’s place if you don’t feel comfortable with them. And, if it comes to that, make sure you know how to have safe sex. Do not expect the man to consider these things – he will probably have other things on his mind.
This article has tips to brush up those rusty dating techniques. And, as with any aspect of dating, the rules for men are different to those for women…
Men
Although the singles’ scene may not have changed since you were last exposed to it, you probably have. You may need to relearn forgotten skills such as making yourself look attractive, asking people out on dates and reading body language.
Making yourself look attractive can be tricky. If you have any doubts, it can be useful to use your previous relationship as a guide – what did your partner find attractive in you? What first drew their attention to you? Try to pick out your strong characteristics and emphasize them – perhaps you have a nice smile – try and use it more often! Clothing can be useful in highlighting your physical plus-points. And if you can dance, take her dancing! Try to use your imagination and list your qualities that might be found attractive and, most importantly, capitalise on them!
If you were in your previous relationship for a long time, it’s probably been equally long since you asked anybody out. Again, don’t worry! The key to this is confidence. And the key to confidence is acting. It doesn’t matter if you’re shy, ugly, rich or poor, everyone can act. Just put yourself in the shoes of The Fonz for a minute and tell yourself you have nothing to worry about. Remember, if you ask ten people out and one says yes, that’s better than asking nobody out!
Once you’ve taken that leap and popped your question, the most important thing to consider next is body language. Scientists, who know everything, have told us that words are only 10% of communication – the rest is body language. Therefore it is extremely important that you have some idea of what it means. What if your date crosses her legs while she talks to you? What if she tilts her head? Have a look at our body language tips – I guarantee you won’t regret it!
Much as all of this is useful, the most important thing is to be yourself and have fun. If you’re having fun, you’re more attractive; if you act naturally, you’ll attract the right person for you.
Women
Re-entering the singles’ scene as a woman can be more difficult than as a man – it can take women longer to re-adjust to a different environment, especially if you are out of practice. But all is not bad news! The most important thing to remember is that women rule the world! Speaking from the male perspective, I can tell you that all men think about is sex and, therefore, women have all the power. Learn to use this and you will realise that, for a woman in the know, the dating game is easy.
If you have been out of the loop for a long time, the first thing you might need to know is that it is now socially acceptable for women to ask a man out. This is happening more and more so don’t worry about it. Men, just like women, like nothing more than being asked out on a date.
Also remember that it is fine to turn men down, but do it tactfully and gently. There is no reason why you should go out on a date with someone who you have already decided is not for you. You will only waste your time and his, and get his ‘hopes’ up for no reason.
Finally, and most importantly, consider your own safety. You should never meet somebody you do not know in a secluded area. It is advisable, if you are going on a first date, even if you are meeting in a public place, to have a friend nearby to provide that extra security. Trust your instincts and never go back to someone’s place if you don’t feel comfortable with them. And, if it comes to that, make sure you know how to have safe sex. Do not expect the man to consider these things – he will probably have other things on his mind.
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